And we now talk about Sparring Camp and Ryan Gosling…

So we used to do this thing with Ryan Gosling ages ago…  A bunch of Special Needs bloggers would all link up and share the same image of Ryan and add our own twist to that same image.  Well, I’m happy to say it’s back.  Sunday, over at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood is hosting it again this year and it’s all kinds of funny.  Go click on that Ryan in a box and see.  Just pee first or you’ll be changing your underwear, I swear.

Our summer is winding down and it’s not going without a fight.  Literally.  The kids have been killing each other at the pool, in the house and just about any other place they can get their grubby hands on each other.  I’ve been at my wits end trying to keep them separated and I have to tell you, part of me is ready to give up.  Would it be wrong to just let them fight and clobber each other and see who comes out alive?

You wouldn’t do that?  Fine, whatever.

The kids have been in a Tae Kwon Do Sparring Camp for the past few weeks.

Sparring Camp.

I’ll just let that sink in.  My kids, with no gross or fine motor skills to speak of, are enrolled in a class where they are being taught to beat the crap out of each other.  They are being taught to respectfully beat the crap out of each other.  The very same kids who have been trying to kill each other all summer long.

AWESOME.

When I asked my husband if he thought things would be OK, he simply said, “Well they have gear on, right?”

Look at all the gear.

I asked our instructor if he allows siblings to fight each other and his response was immediate, and in a thick asian accent, “Ahhhh, no.  Siblings too serious, hurt each other too much.  No, they fight others.”  That was not as reassuring as I though it would be.

Have I mentioned the kids were enrolled in a Nun-chuck Camp and a Sword Fighting Camp as well?   Clearly my husband wants the kids to kill each other and we’ll just parent the survivors.  We’re practicing our own kind of natural selection.  Thinning our herd, if you would.

So my kids have been in Sparring Camp.   I’ve been watching them try and kick and kill their opponents.  I’ve watched them get hit, nailed, drilled and each and every time they get back up.  Sometimes they run away but they always get back up.  I think I’ve lost seven pounds in nervous energy.

They’ve been coming home and doing crescent kicks, forty-five degree kicks, blocking each other and even walking around the house with their mouth guards in.  They’re teaching the three year old all sorts of moves to play on me when I’m not paying attention.

They are working together as a collective, like the Borg, to break me.  In some ways I’m happy they’re working together but on the whole, I’m not as impressed as I should be.

My kids are taking what they are learning in Sparring Camp and using it against me.  Clearly this is not how I intended things to work out.

At one point I thought of making a cage fighting setup in the garage and letting them go for it, they were so full on.  Let them kill each other in the ultimate cage fight.  It would be epic.  I’d bury the dead one in the hosta bed and move on.  Natural selection at its finest.

It’s been THAT bad.

And get this….

They even have a sparring setup in Minecraft and they kill each other in there.  In Minecraft.  It’s like they combined two evils and made the ultimate cage fight/sparring match, in Minecraft.  I’m impressed and horrified at the same time.

So yeah, that’s been my summer.  How’s yours?